Villains

I recently found a new character I am in love with and I have been thinking a lot about how my favorite fictional characters tend to be villains. In talking with other people, they seem to get the misconception that I am attracted to power. I am sure there is some level of that- after all, there is a sense of security in power. But there is a theme to the villains I like. They are never just villains for the sake of being evil. They are consistently villains that have become villains because of the harsh realities of the world that have broken down and reshaped their morality. They are born from deep wells of trauma.
I’m not attracted to power, I’m attracted to understanding another person. I’m attracted to the empathy that those characters draw from me. After all, I doubt there is a regular person alive who has not suffered beneath systems of oppression. It fascinates me to see how the pendulum can swing an oppressed creature into becoming the oppressor. It’s fascinating to feel my own empathy for that. It’s even better when there are still glimpses of the goodness in those characters. The glimpses of who they were before the world got its dirty hands on them. I think a good example is Thanos in the marvel movies. His actions are very villainous, but his pain is evident and there is a fucked up logic to his actions. A paradox of mercy.
I don’t know, it just tugs on my heart. Even more so if there is the possibility for their redemption, a possibility for them to come home to who they were before the world broke them, even if only a little. When they meet someone who does not shatter them in moments of vulnerability, and you get to see them for more than the culmination of their evils.
Side note: Thank God that I am not like this with real life men… Book and movie characters are all fine and dandy, but that “I can fix them” mentality in real life relationships is like a first class ticket to ending up in DV.
Nevertheless, I do think my love for those fictional characters does still manifest itself in my human experience. As fucked up as it may sound, I think they make me a better person than I otherwise would be. I’m not going to walk around kissing serial killers or letting anyone abuse me or others, but those characters have given me hope that if I can choose empathy and kindness in the face of unkindness, maybe, just maybe, I can do one small thing to steer people off course from becoming the villain.