Broken

We are broken vases. We were put into this world to nurture beauty, but now all we do is pierce the feet that try to step on us.

I keep singing this in my head... it won't go away, so I'll write it down.

Sometimes i want to take these broken wings, and learn to sing, cause I know I can't fly. Sometimes i want to take these broken words, that I know you all heard, and let them die. Sometimes I want to take this broken mind, go out and try to find my sanity. Sometimes I want to take this broken soul, pray it's not black as coal, and break my vanity Sometimes I want to take myself apart, and find my heart, before I explode. Sometimes I want to take my broken wings, go away and fling myself off a cliff, broken wings don't fail me. Broken heart is beating, and my mind is bleeding. Do I soar? Do I fall? Does it matter at all? Do I cry? Do I fly? Can I catch your eye? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know... let me go.

I feel most beautiful when I feel my worst, when I feel as though I shall break into a million pieces and go spiraling into the universe again. I feel most attractive when I'm too depressed to give a shit about how bad my acne is flaring up, no matter how much weight I have gained in the last month or lost for that matter. I'm usually in some swing of depression, but when I reach a certain low where I just long to be curled up in someone's arms and allowed to cry I feel absolutely breath taking. I don't long for this feeling, I don't care to feel pretty. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, every look that someone gives me with that sort of "checkin you out" gleam in their eye makes me feel better until I can pull myself out of this silliness. I felt absolutely beautiful yesterday as I was getting ready to go to a concert with a friend of mine. All through out the day, boys were giving me these looks that I needed. Girls were giving me these looks. I just smiled at all of them, the only smile i could muster. By the end of the night I was floating high enough on the wonder that concerts like this give me. Family Values was amazing not just because of how I felt before I got there, but because of the music. Music and feeling pretty .... they help me get over whatever low I've hit. I'm just hoping I can keep the rest at bay for a while.