Beard

While freshly shaved faces are wonderful to stroke and rub cheek to cheek, the day two through day seven stubble is uncomfortable when rubbed against any sensitive skin. I think more guys should have beards. That could justb e because I miss his.

I have been inspired by the dude who has the same color as me to post about my own beard. It has three colors; the goatee region is dirty blonde, the main part along my face is brown, and the neckbeard is almost black. When I get out of the shower it looks like there is an octopus attached to my face because of the way it curls when it's wet. (This also works in pools.) It is named, alternately, The Kraken, The Rainbeard, and The Philoso-Fur. I have calculated that it grows at a rate of about one centimeter per month. This is pretty good, if I do say so myself! It's not the fastest beard in the world, but it's not too slow either. I love my beard, everyone!

Fuck you. I like my long-ass beard and I like it's color. If you do not like it, then fuck off. I do not wear my facial hair to serve your purposes, I wear it for myself. If you cannot stand to see it, or do not wish for your children to see it, then walk away and take them with you without causing a scene.

I enjoy my uniqueness and my ability to make your children stop and stare. Hell, most of the kids I meet LOVE my beard. They have a certain sparkle in their eyes when they see it. It makes them feel as if they are in some cartoon reality or something, I would imagine. And you know what, that makes me happy. It makes me happy to know I brought joy to a kid's day just by being me. It makes me happy to know I can bring joy to my own kid's day by just being me. It brings me joy to know that I can have 50 to 70% of everyone I meet on the street take a look and give me a thumbs up or a high five or even a slight tug on it from time to time. My beard has taken on a life of it's own, thank you very much, and it is more God-damned famous than you are.

So the next time your kid looks at me and points and says "Look, Mommy/Daddy, look at that man's beard." DO NOT look at me, start pulling your child away and look back at me with that stupid little snear and mumble whatever stupid little comment you said. I am who I am and I know I am probably a hundred times the better person and parent than you will ever be.

Brought to you by a guy with a beard color the same color as his rebelious 9 year old daughter. Hot, bright red. Ha ha!