Hypocrisy

dealing with this completely two-faced hypocrisy is killing me. on the one face we have all these lovely upbeat buzzword company values about valuing our passion and integrity, helping each other making the best of every task. it's great. despite the buzzwordiness, they are values I can really get behind, something I could invest myself in and believe. I wanted to believe. I did believe. but now I don't. and no matter how hard I try to think about this objectively, like writing an essay about a subject I hated at school but hitting all the right notes that my teacher would like, I just can't. I can't bring myself to repeat the buzzwords and sound like I believe it when I know they're not true. I've seen they're not true, I see it every day in every little thing the highest-up do, everything they say to us painting a smiling face over everything we know is wrong. how can they do that? how can they tell us things we all know aren't true? how does lying help? and why do we keep letting them? I don't dare think that we've all resigned ourselves to it. that nobody is trying to make a change, because they know it won't happen. but then, isn't that person me? I wanted to make a change, I said what needed to be said and got kicked back down, told to toe the line and be grateful or get out. it galls me to know that the reason I got so upset and they didn't in that horrible, intimidating meeting was that I cared about my job, I cared about what I do every day and about the company itself, about what we could be. and they don't. they tell me to care, but when I do I get stabbed through the heart. what am I supposed to do? turn to stone? I just don't know anymore.

Sometimes I look around and realize how much hypocrisy there is. I know I'm not perfect, I know I've made many mistakes, but I hate seeing people claim one thing and live another. It almost makes me want to give up trying, because other people have already ruined it, why should I bother, right? I just wish that people could see through all of the fake things that surround them, for once see who is really telling the truth. For once I wish that the liars wouldn't get all the credit.