Soundtrackofmylife

So many choices....although certainly not a favorite song of mine, I would have to go with "Grow up" by Simple Plan......"Because I don't wanna change, I just wanna have fun!"

A long time ago, I noticed that my life, just like movies, has it's own soundtrack. No matter what situation I'm in and what I am doing at the time, there is a song that comes around that I can relate towards my life in some way, shape, or form. Good times or bad times, there has always been some song there to tell me the story of my life.

The past year, there have been an insane number of very soulful and sad songs that are about loss of love and being alone and it is starting to crack my mind. I am haunted daily by Adele and Gotye and so many others. Not only pop songs, but metal, rock, and rap songs that just serve to drive me insane. Songs that remind me of mistakes and loses and regrets over the past several years and songs that remind me of individual moments and distinct memories of certain people and places.

I've started feeding off the misery these songs give me. I seek certain songs out just to have that ache in my heart or that upwelling of emotions just to have something to feel. It consumes me to do this and I let it happen. The line I keep hearing over and over in my head is true: "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness." Never have I been more at odds with wanting music in my life and yet never have I needed music to keep me alive, even if all it does is serve to lead me into my own form of misery and darkness.

Music is my life. It always has been. Since I was in my mother's womb and she told me of how she would fall asleep listening to the stereo. I hate to think my old friend is purposely killing me like this, but it is...but I can't even remotely think about being without it. So I sit here and track down the same distressing songs again and again on Youtube as I write this and sit here typing...aural depression ripping through my ears.