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Acceptance would be a blessing right now. Inner peace, a vacation. I'm better than I was, but I'm definitely not even in the same ball park anymore. All the self-blame and loathing has transformed itself. I'm not sure what to call it. I'm guessing the universe has a plan for us though. Strange how one day can change your plans for an entire lifetime.
Maybe a new city won't be so bad. I've done it before. It's just the thought of starting all over, yet again. It's tiring. I love a good adventure just like any other thrill seeking person, but I'm curious as to when my time to rest and recuperate will be? I don't just have the option to run away.
She remembers the first time she got drunk on box wine at a show in a garage on the corner of North and Dill. The wine was out of the box, the plastic bag looped over a rafter. She had to ask taller people to give her a refill. She danced, and she didn't care what people thought. Afterward, a band member came up and kissed her hand.