Boundaries

I have always had boundaries but until approximately 7 or 8 years ago maybe I didn't enforce them like I do now. About five years ago I took it a step further and will walk away from anyone or anything that continually disrupts my peace. Boundaries are beautiful and they show self confidence! You have to have and use them because there are people in this world (unfortunately) that sense people that are naive to how some people can be. That is where people that don't have boundaries typically get themselves into a mess. They have the best intentions because they feel empathy and compassion and the other person uses it to their advantage. Boundaries and self care are equally important and go hand in hand. You have to know when to let the boundaries down as well but I feel like I walk around with them up a lot! Usually if I let my boundaries guide me I am right. It's my head and sometimes my heart that get me messed up!

He pulled my hair and said he liked to pull hair. He was a stranger. I met him that night. When I yelled at him he didn't apologize, he just said he would leave.

I was scared all night. I already knew he knew who I was with and when I was away from them. He had told me so.

I was scared he wouldn't take my no. I was scared of leaving by myself. I was so scared that I was shaking. I was shaking and I fell down the stairs, my body doing that dissociative trick it had always done, as my bones pop out of places and I got bruises worthy of admiration, worthy of the violation. It's like my body says, I won't allow you to be hurt like that without everyone knowing, without everyone really seeing.

I went with a friend but as I gather myself together, my glasses broken and bones back in place, I said I was too scared to walk to a cab by myself. I limped out with the bouncer, refusing to be left for even a moment alone.

And the more I hurt, the more my body hurts itself- like the most ingenious form of unconscious selfharm.