Shootingstar

I was sitting on my favorite bench. The place I hit my "reset" button when I need to just let everything drain out of me for a while. I was musing about life, what I was going to do after college, and secretly hoping the guy I had a crush on would walk by.

I was staring at the stars (because there were some, which is amazing for the city) and there it was. A shooting star. I clamped my eyes shut and wished the first thing that came into my head, trying not to miss out on the moment.

"I wish I could fall in love"

I immediately regretted that wish. I chided myself, saying the more sensible thing would have been to wish for money. But then I told myself I've never been sensible, and I would probably be happier with love.

Then I started thinking about all the ways genies like to twist wishes. Love can be a one way street. I was immediately afraid I'd fall in love with someone (again), and have them not return that affection (again).

But if I had wished for someone to fall in love with me, I could have had to hurt someone's feelings. I could have ended up with a stalker or something. And that isn't a good option either.

I would have felt silly wishing for a soulmate, but i guess that's the closest term to what I'm looking for. I guess I just want that mutual comfort that relationships give.

Anyway. I made the wish. It's out there in the universe rattling around in some way. And now I can't tell who I'd want to give my affections to. It's one of those "don't put all your eggs in one basket" type feelings. Like an insurance policy against rejection. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like every time I bump into these people, I fall slightly more in love, and then I bump into the next. I guess I'm falling in love, love, love, love.

It's all a bit too much for me, so I'm trying to ignore it all and failing. I can't help being reminded of one's wit, or the other's kindness, or that one's warmth, or just the ridiculous chemistry.

I will try to eschew this all with a firm hand. At least while I get through finals.

sigh