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Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at life from the wrong side of the fishbowl. Either I'm sitting around on the outside, watching all the goings on of the fish, and being unable to participate, or I'm some fish on my own, only able to observe those around me, without being able to interact. In either case, there's a glass wall between me and those I care about.
There are two people in particular I wish I could help. It's like watching a mermaid trying to get some stupid cod to fall in love with her. She's beautiful, and has such an amazing emotional depth... and he has about the awareness of a cod, and in general, had a tendancy to think with his codpeice if you get my drift. But maybe I'm biased.
Of course... I probably don't know the whole story between them. I never do. I hear the rumors, or just enough to know that it isn't working, and it's causing her a lot of pain. It's so strange seeing someone effect her like that. She usually seems so free, her own entity. I don't know.
And watching everyone else, is like watching a big school of fish. They're all unique, but they converge on the same paths, and they've learned to group together to protect and comfort each other. Somedays I feel a part of it... and some days I feel like I'm just sitting there watching them all preform some complex social dance. I feel closer to them than I do most people, but I'm still learning the dance.
In some ways, I'm afraid to try and climb out of my fishbowl, to get out and try to be closer to people. Afraid I'll suffocate... afraid I'll get burned... But in some ways, I'm afraid that if I don't get out, I'll be left behind.
"I'd like to be under the sea In an octopus' garden in the shade "