Honest

For once, I'm going to be completely honest. With myself and with you. You once asked me if I ever let my guards down, well this is me letting them down. I'm going to let go of the fa├žade that I put on, at least for right now.

I don't know if you know this, but I'm telling you now; I really, really, really like you. More than any of my past boyfriends. I have since last year, i just refused to let myself acknowledge it, and then when something did start to happen everything I felt just kind of came to the surface. It was intense.

I was so afraid of letting myself admit how much I liked you. I was so afraid of getting hurt. I didn't think you'd like me back or as much as I liked you, and I'm still afraid of that, but I'd rather you know.

I told myself that i would just get over you, but that isn't working out as well as i had hoped. I can't just pretend that my life is going to go back to the way it was before you were a part of it. It can't, and honestly I don't want it to. I don't want to pretend like nothing happened.

I would hate for this whole thing to ruin whatever it was we had. I know we're hours a part from each other, and we'll never see each other, but I still want you to be a part of my life. Even next year, when we're closer together we'll still be hours apart, and I'm not saying that I want you to wait for me, for the next five years (or however long we're in college) but at some point I'd like to know how far our relationship could have gone.

I don't know how you feel about me or all of this right now, but I needed to tell you. I wanted you to know how i felt.

If you never want to see me, or talk to me again, then that's fine. If you want to completely cut me out of your life then ok. I just need to know something. Tell me something.

...alright, defenses back up.