Spider

I was walking out of my backdoor to go to work and noticed an indistinct, black, fuzzy thing floating in mid-air at about waist level. It twitched as I stopped and stared at it.

Slowly, it lowered itself onto the floor and touched down with eight furry legs. It was fat and about an inch and a half across. It turned a bit, surveying its surroundings with its little legs rapidly dancing around. It wasn't one of those spiders that slowly creeps around, reaching out its legs and drawing itself closer to its destination, but one of those kinds that looks like it has a different framerate than the rest of the world, seemingly teleporting an inch at a time and pausing between each abrupt advance.

It swiveled its body a few times in the spot that it landed until it was pointed at me. It seemed to immediately notice me and proceeded to purposefully orient its body to be pointing directly at mine. I said something out loud, like, "You're a curious little beast, aren't you?" and it turned its head to stare at me with glowing eyes.

I'd like to emphasize this point. First, this spider, already a little disconcerting by being fairly large and interested in me, had an articulated head. Little crawly arthropods with articulated heads, like praying mantids, have always creeped me out. It makes them seem less like little robots and more like sinister creatures with thoughts and intentions. Second, something about the angle of nearby light and the spider's orientation made two large eyes glow this bright greenish-blue color, nearly white, when it looked up at me. At my face, specifically.

The spider swiveled a bit more, apparently surveying the area, then stopped and turned to me a second time, deliberately angling its head upward to make eye contact. Its head shifted slightly as we stared at each other, like it was studying me. I felt a strange sense of respect and understanding, but couldn't help but worry that I'd freak out and hurt it if it starting running toward me.

After a few moments, it looked down and, as if remembering "Whelp, I've got shit to do," moseyed off. I did the same.

How the HELL can something so small make me freak out so much?!? I didn't even want to get near enough to kill it. I was in the process of calling my friend to come kill it for me, but I realized that she would never let me hear the end of it. So I took my 18-inch metal ruler, put a tissue on the end, and proceeded to bang my desk with it for about a minute. That damn spider wouldn't die!!! I got it eventually though.

My heart is still beating kinda fast. This is kinda ridiculous. They're just so gross.

I once made friends with a spider. It was at a counselor's office. Instead of talking in a nice cozt room, she decided it would be easier to talk ina cold brick wall cement floor room. So I tuned her out and met a friend. His name was Bob. I know that's not very creative, but my spider needed a name quick. That was the only time I liked a spider.