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So I've reached a point where fucking for the sake of fucking doesn't interest me. Either gender. I've heard women don't reach their sexual 'peak' until 35, and life is life, so I'll probably be interested in it again at some point. Right now, I need a strong emotional connection to really even get aroused. Making out with someone without that bond = no arousal. Listening to someone I do have a connection with who is a thousand miles away say dirty things in a nerdy voice = turned on like WHOA. I'm talking hand down underpants, touching myself without realizing it WHOA. And it's a man on top of all that, after several years of being mostly (not entirely) female-oriented.
I had a thought several days ago that a little while later I found to be rather odd. I thought to myself that the only way I would want to be a parent of my own children is if my partner were female. I would not want to bear a man's child. I was thinking about children because one of my dear friends since primary school recently had her second son, and he is simply precious. As much as I do enjoy sex with men, the company of men, et cetera, something tells me I would never want to have a man's child. I would adopt a child with a man, and with a woman but I would actually want to have children if I were with a woman.
I am an extremely maternal creature, but I would rather have a life partner than a spouse. Besides, who really WANTS to be attached to someone simply because they have a marriage license and a little piece of paper. Certainly I don't. I believe that a marriage should be that of two minds and hearts and bodies coming together as they wish, in their own time, and with their own ambitions and intentions, not those laid out by some 'higher power' that says a man must marry a woman and so forth. I feel that if my heart goes out to a woman, that's where it will stay, if it goes to a man that's where it will stay. At least for a while.
Lately I've been wandering if perhaps my relationship with my boyfriend is what I really want. The above thought ran through my head and i started to think about it. He wants to have children. It's all very confusing to me. I keep wandering what my life would be like right now if I were with a woman.