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why do I feel the need to scream into the ether instead of keeping my private thoughts totally secret? it frustrates me that I can't honestly speak my mind online, on my facebook or my livejournal, without offending or worrying someone on my friends lists. offending I could justify, but worrying people by ranting or crying in 'public' online doesn't sit right with me.
I want to know someone's listening. just... nobody who cares. I want to be completely honest and let it out.
it has been so awkward between us lately. I really don't want it to be, but that's how it turned out. She is literally my best friend here. I would hate to lose her. I don't even talk to my roommate like I talk to her. I guess it's mostly my fault though. I started dating her almost boyfriend. She says that it doesn't bother her, but I can't help but feel like I'm betraying her in some way. There are times when he will come up in conversation, and I feel like she closes herself off to me. Maybe it's just all in my head. I want to tell her about everything that's going on, but it would probably be too weird. Both of them are really important to me, and I refuse to pick between them. I don't know i should probably just talk to her about it.
I bet on some level it does bother her if he was almost her boyfriend, but I'm sure that your friendship means much more to her than that. And if she says she doesn't mind, you should probably trust her, because that probably means that she realizes that it is insignificant compared to your friendship.
I want her to know that she can tell me. I don't know why she doesn't know already, but I'm saying it again. Part of me hopes she's reading this right now so that she sees how much I just want her to trust me. I feel like there are secrets between us. And I'm not naive enough to think that friends share EVERYTHING, but she is happy about something, and I wish she would let me be happy for her too......... I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. Try to act like I don't care. Maybe she'll find the right moment....
Fuck people who judge you.