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I'd say you all depress me, but then I realize that whenever I have a rant or emo-y thought I need to vent, I vent it here because it's the most anonymous place I have to vent such things online. I have no where else to post those kinds of thoughts I don't want to offend or worry my friends with.
Why is it that I feel more connected and close to people here than people that I've known for years? I have know idea who they are, what their name is, or what they look like, all I have is a tiny square of color to recognize them. Yet, it's enough. Here, it's enough to know someone without knowing who they are.
Because we are chameleons in the real world, able to change how we portray ourselves in clothing and mannerisms. We can do so in text sure, but... at the moment can't change our color to reflect the different person we've now chosen to portray as we've changed.
ether...it fascinates me. i find myself transfixed by it, similarly to a little kid to a dictionary. some of the first entries i read were 'virginity,' 'sex,' and 'panties.' i can't help remembering when i learned to use a dictionary in third grade, and then my astonishment in finding that "dirty words" were in there.
I have never loved a site as much as ether. I only discovered it 3 days ago but I feel so connected here. Reading thoughts of other people making my own theroies. Posting them. It's all so amazing. It's wonderful to be able to post the things that I have always thought but was too afraid to comment on. It has truly helped me out. I can never thank the person enough for forcing me on this site (you know who you are).
Ether has been a great help to me, I discovered it the day I quit abusing substances. The day I walked with shaking legs to the front of the methadone clinic, and opened the main door with shaking arms and weak hands, and walked inside. I approached the first counselor-looking person I saw, in a mouse-quiet, shot-in-the-knees shaky voice, laced with desperation and hope that had nearly burnt out, and admitted something I'd never said aloud before; "I am an addict. I need help." I've said things here I can't say anywhere else. Some of the things I've released into the Ether were pure secrets before, some are just things that i've never told anyone because I know no one who would understand WTF I'm talking about. Others are things I've dreamed, thought, or experienced and had to record.
The motorboat wouldn't start, no matter how many times my uncles tried. Eventually they sprayed some sort of starter aid on it, and, after several sprays and attempts, it splashed into action. "Hop in," they said, "and try not to breathe too deeply. The stuff we used to start the boat was ether based."
As we cruised down the channel, I stared at the stars and the tiny glimpses of the Northern Lights that wiggled here and there in the Michigan sky. Then it all started spinning and pulsing in time with the waves hitting the front of the boat.
I find myself afraid to use Ether sometimes, uncertain of what I might say with the veil of anonymity in place. I've been more honest here, in the Ether, than I have been anywhere else in my life because it doesn't laugh, cry, or pity like a person might. Its neutrality makes it one of the most useful tools in my life, and I'm terrified of it because of that.
I value Ether because it lets me immortalize (if such a thing is possible) my thoughts and more easily reflect on them later. I used to do this with notes and journals, but you have to admit the convenience of the internet.
I'd like for my thoughts to have more of a life than just ephemeral electrical signals between my ears. I'd like for them to live on, independently of me, to outlive me and interact with other thoughts from other minds of origin.