Dearovaries
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Dear Ovaries,
I am 21. That is young. It is. I still have plenty of time to get married and have kids. Really. So SHUT UP! Yes I'm getting plenty of estrogen, thank you, I don't need anymore. NO, I didn't particularly want to sit around all day wistfully thinking of relationships I don't have. Is it that you're not "getting any?" Come on, be patient. You don't really want to make old Uti put up with rooming a fetus with inferior biology would you? Come on. She's got to put up with that thing for 9 months. Wipe that grin off your face Maternal Instincts! I'm TWENTY-ONE! Why are you trying to mutiny to make everything work against me? Just shut up, and I'll get to it in my own damn time. Thank you.
-Me
gAnGsTa CaPs sUpPoRtErS
Dear overies, ok, ok so i dont date men and you are a little worried. But i promise, I PROMISE that some day i will introduce a nice turkey baster into our lives. so I am begging you, stop forcing me to coo over babies at the mall. it isnt polite to stare wistfully at the toddlers on the playground. Isnt it enough that once a month you give me crmaps and cravings and make me cry? so if you could ,please, just give me a few more years to complete my degree and get us a cushy job that will support my shopping issues and your once a month chocolate addiction i promise to get down to business in the baby making department. -me
HAHA! Nice....
..... Turkey baster.... teehee
Dear ovaries. Shut up, that shit hurts. Cysts are not our friends. Also, if I end up running south with someone else's kid, I'm blaming it on you.
I love this collection of thoughts. Being a guy, I have no understanding whatsoever what... yeah, your whole deal with the lady bits and what they do.
I think the most mysterious thing is the drive to breed. I mean, guys have that too, in a more crude "find a lady and get my groove on" kind of way, but I don't think that guys have that same instinctive "MUST SPAWN" feeling. I suppose the constant "Hey, have you gestated yet? No? FUCK YOU HERE'S A PERIOD" has something to do with that.
Ehh.. It's not really an avoidance of the monthlies that makes us want to get all preggo. At least not me. Cramps, crying at commercials where they show M'batu eating mud, and a never ending black hole at the bottom of my esophagus sounds a lot better than pregnancy. I just want that little tight knit impregnable nuclear family, the way every girl with abandonment issues, who likes songs with word 'lonesome' in them. But what do i know, I have a million credit hours and no degree. Sorry Mom, sorry God.