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In response to Pinky's post: I have genetically bad joints, I'm prone to infections, I get cysts on my right ovary, I've had a couple kidney stones, I have all of the problems that come with an opiate addiction, methadone treatment (ruins vision quickly) and alcoholism. I often feel that I'm trapped in a poorly designed bag of flesh and bones and goo. For a while I was constantly freaked out, because it felt like my body was falling apart. One thing is, if enough individual things happen, you become numb to it. I hope that's not what happens to you, but if things continue to get worse, there's at least that. Another is letting go of something you have no control over. Become apathetic, put it in God's hands, or the universe's control, or adopt a philosophy that focuses on the here and now. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I felt I had something to say, so... there you go. Good luck. I'll cross my fingers for you.
It's hard to keep your mind together when your body is falling apart.
All of the really stressful stuff has passed me, so now is when I should be pulling myself back together and going on as normal. But due to the stress my body is falling appart right now. I have been having lots of digestive problems and stomach pain, I have no energy, my lower back is hurting so bad right now that I am having dificulty doing things like standing up or even moving around after being stationary for a long period of time, my secondary sjogrens syndrome (basically having constatly red dry eyes) is back in full force after a long absence, and I have a cyst.
No wonder I am being so negative about everything else, why I am being so much harder on myself and any mistakes I make. (Well excluding grammar, the worse mood I happen to be in the less I happen to give a fuck about that small detail.)
Thank you for the advice. I have systemic lupus so on some level I have become used to my body doing things that are utterly out of my control. After five years what I still have trouble with is the fact that I used to be a perfectionist, that to this day I never hand in assignments late, that I have to get good grades, that I feel guilty every time I miss a class. For the most part I do try to follow what you said, placing things in God's hands having faith that everything will turn out ok. But for right now I'm just hell bent on graduating that I am incredibly impatient with the constant rebellions being staged by my body.
Thanks for the reminder that sometimes I just have to let go and realize I am not in control over everything.
No problem. Additional advice, learning to let go is a neccessary skill in all parts of life. Trust me. Good luck.