Fasting

I’ve decided to fast. This is day two of absolutely no food. I’m doing just fine I think. I don’t know my heads all funny I can’t concentrate and I can’t seem to communicate either. The funny part is I decided to do this to help that. I don’t know exactly what it is I was trying to accomplish. I mean I know I started because I wanted to go on this great spiritual journey. I mean you hear all of those stories the young boy walks into the woods alone and wonders around for ten days with no food or water and returns a man. Well there isn’t a story about a young girl walking off into the wilderness and coming out knowing exactly what it she wants what it is she is. I had always thought I knew exactly who I was what I wanted until I looked around one day and realized that it wasn’t what I wanted. So here I am trying to jump start myself into something anything at all. A coma, malnutrition anything at all! So far all I’ve gotten is a head ach. I’m wondering what it Is that drives people to do what it is they do. I mean if I wanted to I could do anything. I could walk out of this room and walk down the stairs and grab the biggest knife I could find and pick a person and stab them. Consequences be damned. I mean strip them away and think about it. If there were no consequences none at all would you do it? Would you be able to stop yourself from hurting lets drop the killing part I mean hurt this person who is put in your path randomly. Just hurt them needlessly without consequence knowing you would never see this person again but they would forever remember you. Would you be able to suppress that? I’d like to think that I’m a noble person that I’m above all that but sitting here like this I don’t think I am. To have that kind of complete control over someone consequence free I think I would take that opportunity. Proving that deep down inside I’m not who I think I am.