thought 4 years, 1 week ago...

they say its addictive. they say it will hurt me. but nothing else makes the panic go away. i never took it when i didn't need it. i never sold it or shared it. its designed as a rescue drug, and that is the only way i used it, but because other people are addicted i cant get help.

View Thinker #008b2e's profile thought 14 years, 6 months ago...

jittery, nervous, heart racing faster and faster. i feel so unprepared, i cannot stand it. i am about to crack under the pressure, eyes welling up and throat constricting. unable to focus, unable to breathe.

then, a small white pill.

for now, i am calm; my problems have been set aside. i wish i could sleep, but i don't have time.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

Shit's mad addictive, yo. What's got you stressed?

View Thinker #008b2e's profile

that was the first time i'd taken any sort of medication prescribed for someone other than... myself. i had a breakdown due to school and i always tell myself "i can't do it" or "no matter how hard i try, i'll still do poorly". i'm a decent student, but i freak myself out way to much about it. i asked mom if she had any sort of anti-anxiety meds, and she did. i'm sure she used it to ease her mind about my brother, who has quite a few problems of his own. it's just a really stressful time around here. i know things could be a lot worse, but during times like these i just don't know what to do.

that, and fall is my favorite season. i should be happier than i am, especially because i just got back together with the boy i love. he's been pretty stressed out about school too, we haven't had much time to see each other lately and i don't want to lose him again.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

Ahh word. I've taken it for less, generally for insomnia. Just don't overdo it, benzo withdrawal can literally kill you.

View Thinker #008b2e's profile

i hear ya. i don't plan on using this stuff regularly, just when i really need it (ie. when i have a breakdown). i didn't like the main side effect i felt: depression.

i use melatonin to help me sleep; have you tried that stuff? a couple of those knock me right out.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

I have, yo! I usually have really restless sleep when I take it, which is still better than no sleep. Have you tried Zoloft/Sertraline? Lower doses deal with anxiety, higher doses deal with depression.

View Thinker #008b2e's profile

haven't tried anything other than this for anxiety. at the beginning of college when i was living in the dorm, i was really depressed and saw a counselor and was on the brink of really needing some medication. i was depressed because i was anxious, and anxious because i was depressed. but after i figured some shit out in life, i felt better. still, there are moments where i feel like i need to take SOMETHING, but i don't have any prescriptions. maybe i should check into that.

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