Badtimes

Right now I feel like God has twisted my path to lead me back home, so that I can help my family get through what is going to be a few tough years.

My Grandma just had a stroke, and she is rapidly loosing some of her mental abilities. She is quite old, and I feel terrible but I keep praying that she will die quickly instead of being ill in a nursing home or a hospital. A place like that would kill her in a far worse manner.

My dog has already lived longer then any other one we have had of this particular breed. After so many years of being a completely hyperactive dog she has slowed down with arthritis, even moving enough to lay down is difficult for her. I can see in her eyes that she is still fighting, still happy to be alive but I don't know for how much longer.

My next door neighbor, who babysat me countless times when I was little was just put in a nursing home. Her husband is also very ill and undergoing lots of medical treatments right now.

My Uncle has cancer, and has just gotten his last session of chemo. But My aunt has just gone in for tests because they think she may have stomach cancer or at best a very severe ulcer.

Aside form all of this my Mother who is my rock and my strength in the worst of times is having problems too. Her legs are so messed up that she is in almost constant pain and has great difficulty walking.

Do I even need to mention how much the economy is kicking my family's ass right now?

I have been doing everything I can be to be cheerful, helpful, and strong in this situation; but I'm not made of stone, nor would I want to be. Sometimes I find myself typing emo entries like this one, and crying very easily during any tv show or movie. I just need to keep this up and only allow myself to get upset in public when something bad actually happens, instead of simply looming ominously overhead.

The only things that keep me from going into complete panic right now are my parents, my faith in my own strength, and most importantly my faith in God.

Things will get better and even out once more, I just have to keep moving.

I'd apologize but anonymous forums were made for venting about shit like this. I needed to get this out.