Vibrator
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I'm actually kind of surprised that no one has bravely begun the ether conversation on vibrators before me.
The first time I went to a sex shop alone, I knew what I was going for.
I had finally summoned the courage to walk right into that store and buy a vibrator.
When I walked in, I was full of confidence and excitement, and then sudden panic as I entered a store full of men staring intently at various bottles of lube.
I had forgotten that it was Valentine's Weekend.
I thought it was the most awkward situation possible, but I also figured, hell, if everyone is getting laid this weekend, I might as well be getting off.
But I realized pretty quickly why all of those men were staring at the lube and toys as if they held some profound secret just beneath the packaging... There are about 300 damn choices for anything you could possibly want.
You want lingerie. Perfect. Will that be satin, lace, or latex? Black? Purple? Pink? Open crotch? Open bust? Thong? Bikini? Garters? With heels or without? Will it catch on your fabulous Valentine's Day Vajazzling?
And that's just lingerie. That shit is meant to be removed from your body as quickly as possible. As far as I'm concerned, it's a GOOD thing if it ends up practically shredded on the floor.
I wanted to buy a vibrator. That thing doesn't just cover your vagina... it goes right the motherfuck inside of it. And that is a precious area, damn it. You don't want some low quality failure of a toy in there. And the last thing anyone wants is a pussy full of BPA.
This part of the story is where I gave up, picked one that was pretty and waterproof, and went about my life. Vibrators are still a big confusing mystery to me, and I own one.
I can't deny that it is fun having the thing around, but sometimes living in a dorm just ruins the whole thing for me.
I mean, you can hear everything through the walls, so why WOULDN'T someone hear my vibrator?
Of course, sometimes I figure, if they don't masturbate, they are the ones missing out, so I don't care if they hear me.
gAnGsTa CaPs sUpPoRtErS
I have owned quite a few vibators over the past couple years; the first one was cheap and a horrible lurid pink but even after the rubber sheath melted and had to come off(protip: don't leave a rubber vibe next to a radiator) the hard plasticy part is pretty good.
Tried one of the vaunted rabbit-style ones, hated it. Too big, too clunky.
I had a little jelly one that was great, it had a nubbly bit at the base for rubbing on, it was just the right amount of squish/firmness and it buzzed with some serious gusto.
Honestly though, I can't be bothered with vibrating dildoes anymore - my go-to combination is a nice glass one paired with a hitachi magic wand - said wand is the best toy I have ever and probably will ever buy. Pity the US>UK power adaptor weighs a fucking ton.
I (guy) have heard a lot about Hitachi wands and have seen them put to use quite a few times with impressive results. "Magic wand" seems an appropriate term for them. If only my penis could vibrate like a goddamned jackhammer. I suppose I'd be a lot more popular.
They are literally magic orgasm wands, it's amazing.
You can combine them with fucking too, apparently it feels pretty nice for the dude as well!