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My relationship with my guy friends has gotten much more complicated recently. Though maybe that's just me, and how I'm perceiving it.
We used to be so carefree, just hanging out on weekends drinking tea and talking. Meaningful conversations too. Now it seems everything has changed, and I'd say a lot of it has lost its charm. We still get together on weekends, sometimes. And now there's a little more drinking of booze, and less of tea, and conversations more often than not end up in the gutter.
One of the guy friends is sweet, and silly, and awkward, and had his heart broken a while back. He's a lot quieter now than he used to be. I miss his goofiness.
Another is more the strong silent type, and I came to the realization recently that, damn, he is sexxy. Yes, with two xs. I think it's the shirts he wears that really brings it out. It makes me want to set him up with someone, but he's so quiet I'm not even sure he's interested in that kind of thing.
One of my guy friends has really taken a turn down the gutter. He can seem really creepy to outsiders, but I know underneath he's just goofy and funloving, even if he is a little... kinky nowadays. He friggen bought handcuffs of different varieties. ....He also apparently bought me a whip, but I haven't gotten it yet. I'm kind of concerned as to where I stand with him. He's been a little sketchy recently.
Then, we come to the last but certainly not the least. One of my best friends. We can talk about anything, and we both listen to each other, and we can sympathize without it sounding cheap. My heart aches around him, because I've realized he's the kind of guy I'd want raising my kids. But he has a girlfriend. And we're definitely just friends. I doubt he's ever even thought of me that way.
But that's okay. I've still got plenty of time before my biological clock really starts going crazy, though I swear my alarm has gone off early. Maybe it's just cause I come from a big family, and I idolize my grandmother, and she had 9 kids. Not that I'll ever have that many.
And on top of it all, I keep making new guy friends, and I don't know them well enough to tell if they consider me a possibility.
Basically I'm angst-ey and lonely lately. I just want someone to be cuddly with I guess.