Sing

There is this thing that's like fucking except you don't fuck. Back in the day it just went without saying at all. All the world's history gradually dying of shock. There is this thing that's like talking except you don't talk...

...you sing.

Somewhere along the line, I lost the ability to create music. This is a big deal to me.

It used to be that I could work on a song for hours at a time. I wouldn't get hungry or tired, I'd just keep playing and tweaking until I was happy with the result. Somehow this has changed. I have very little stamina in my fingers, so I can only handle playing the guitar in short bursts. My recording gear will work for everyone except me, I have no idea what's wrong with it. But the worst is that the meds I'm on have fucked with my hormones so that my voice has changed. Now my throat gets sore when I sing, I can't sing for very long, and I can't do the shit I used to do vocally.

I'm not writing, mostly because my days are so repetitive. I just keep hoping that at some point in the future my voice will come back. For now, I can only listen. I miss making music.

What's pissing me off the most is that I bought a laptop instead of a netbook for one reason alone: I wanted to be able to record music. Now I have a serious case of buyer's remorse; maybe my interface will work at some point, but right now it doesn't and I can't figure out why. So I dropped an extra $250 for nothing, it seems. Fuck.

I sing all the time, when no one is around. I like it, but Christ on a cracker, I can't decide what shoes to wear to go to the gas station for smokes. And I can't speak up when someone I don't know talks to me. Doubtful I'll ever do anything with it.

I wish I could sing.

It's just not fair that I hate my singing voice so...

as I make great music, and write great lyrics, but cannot combine the two.

and yes, i've tried getting other people to sing the lyrics for me, that worked out even less well.