View Thinker #6d86bf's profile thought 1 year, 10 months ago...

I thought I was mostly disconnected with my childhood trauma. It’s all felt like some factual set of events with no emotional attachment. I know I lived it- I remember it well, but it’s felt as insignificant as other random memories, like the day I got my first bike.

However, recently, between events in the media and aspects of my job, I’ve found myself triggered. I find myself holding my breath or tears forming behind my eyes before I am even cognizant of any memories attached. It’s curious, to *feel* anything about those memories. Scary, to look at my life and see the aftermath of them.

I look at my life now… my mentally ill and disabled mother who drinks too much and seems so sad when she does. I look at how upset and uncomfortable I am with her habits that I know are a trauma reaction. I look at my education and empathy for domestic violence, and yet I stare into the mirror and forget that I am the face of of itI used to disassociate when I looked into mirrors. I look at my healthy relationship and remember how I used to assume I’d be beat by men too.
I remember when my therapist made me take a PTSD inventory and I remember when we both realized he used to run with my mothers abuser. I look at it all, with such a neutral gaze…

But sometimes, when I forget that I was that little girl, my body reminds me how I’d hold my breath and cry.

Patreon Supporters


  • Bitey_Chicken IS HELLA RADICAL


  • Wocket

Support Ether by becoming a Patreon supporter at the lowercase, Capitalized, CAPSLOCK, or gAnGsTa CaPs level.