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sometimes i wonder why loving someone physically is considered a sin, but then i realize, it is if you do it with everyone. or maybe i feel differently about lust. when i want someone, i want them completely. heartmindsoul. nothing half assed. so when i want someone, lust after them, it's not just wanting their body. i want to be so close to them i feel like we're melting together. so far in my life, this has only happened with one person. and i sort of hope it's only with them forever. so maybe it's only a sin, because maybe it should be saved for "marriage"; or at least something that is more eternal than not.
I've discovered in the past couple years that I'm incapable of lusting after someone for purely physical reasons. The only times I was overcome by lust were times that the intellectual allure of men I care for was strong enough to seep through their skin, and even then it was in a quest to become as close to them physically as I felt to them mentally. The people close to me are amazing, brilliant people, and I'm most valuable to the world as a whole when I'm part of them.