Poem

where will you be when the world ends when pillars collapse when towers crumble when the day of judgment comes

will you be locked in your lover's arms

will you be adding another layer of dirt to the garden you planted last year to hide the corpse from the dog

will you even care

That doesn’t hold the thrill you’d think

I know Swirls of grey gelled desperation Too much emotion flooding in Turning to mush

So

You hardened yourself Through trivial bullshit arranged In such a stark pretty manner Lines on the page Straight edges applied to crooked emotions

You took your core And let everything you felt Everything you read for fuel for the day Every sideways glance as a judgment from high Every doubt like a paper cut in the web of your thumb

Took them and weighed them Down onto your four AM doubts Down onto your exposed emotional nerves

Down Upon your soft pink insignificant core Until suddenly Instead of useless minerals Instead of elements undivine You have a cold gleaming sapphire

It didn’t help you the way you had thought. Now you’re a corundum conundrum Searching for the right light To finally see your asterism Roughly cutting facets on the sharp bullshit of life Polishing this paste gem on experiences with other people Wearing them down in the process Not deigning to care

You’re a September sapphire You’re the month that ruins me Every year Since I was old enough to love Old enough to care

You’re a grey sapphire Worth more to those who know Ugly and malformed to those who don’t And we all know who Outnumbers who When it comes to those kinds of people

I am no expert When in comes to discerning quality Emotions override my judgement

But I think you could be refined Heated See if you melt like a paste gem Or prove your intrinsic worth As one of the hardest beauties there is

What are the options

Anger Is cheap and flares like old smudge pots Under the loupe You’d be found out You’d be cast aside Sold at a flea market To a ten year old girl Who hopes this ring has the power To change her life A rock of broken silk and wasted potential

Apathy Burns too low Again unstable Untended things grow wild or die Default settings are never the best except For people uninterested In anything

Love No half assed obsession No sputtering infatuation But Love As a fire slowly fed With patient devotion There is your hope For the bonding of the silks For the emergence of what you want to be What I think you are

And the silks that compose you Will be hidden to all But those you wish to show

Brick Wall

I am whatever I wish to be or can be and nothing will stop me from it but bricks.

Annoyance

Run, dash they’re behind us if we make it out whole why then, heaven has shone its light on us

Scream

Your name terrifies small children into nightmares screams resound in painted rooms and you smile.

Relapse

One time I knew your face and it would smile at me even across a room so full but you’re gone.

Damnation

If I could repaint hell I’d use pastels and light something cheery and bright hearted but no.

There is no defining line Between the lights and blacks. This world is made of grey, And I am a mottled blue.

Between the lights and blacks, I suffocate and choke Until I am a mottled blue. I cannot breathe until you leave.

I suffocate and I choke On words I never should have said. I cannot breathe until you leave, And as soon as I can gasp, I scream.

The words I never should have said Are flowing out my mouth, rapid fire. Whenever I can gasp, I scream And the world turns shades of yellow and red.