Anger

maybe i'd feel better about this blue mood if i could actually draw up some anger.

all i can manage right now is some low grade passive aggressive bullshit.

Anger is so much more pleasant an emotion to have than self-loathing.

Why am I so angry, right now? I don't understand it at all. I'm just pissed-off for no apparent reason. Little things that normally wouldn't bother me are making me go crazy. What is wrong with me?

I'm suprised there are only two thoughts on this word.

I've never been this angry. My roommates come into my room with their friend - with vodka. So they're drinking the leftover beer we've had in the fridge AND the vodka.

And one of the roommates becomes an obnoxious loud asshole, while the other becomes a homophobic-remark-spewing asshole.

The friend is okay, he's barely drinking. Then some bitch who is always drunk comes in and is going to call me strange. And the other fuck from another hall who hates me is going to be playing video games with them all.

It's Friday at almost 1 am.

I'm doing my work - because I forgot that it's due tomorrow (so I'm either going to try doing it until they all leave (most likely 4am) or just not go tomorrow and risk losing points off of my grade.

Seriously. and then more people start pouring into the room. And they're all loud. A) people are sleeping B) shut the fuck up.

I probably wouldn't have minded so much if my sexual orientation wasn't trashed every four and a half seconds (I counted).

I have never been so angry in my entire life. I'm livid.

Friday night I go home. I'm probably coming back on Tuesday to start finals. And then it's right back home next friday for the summer.

Seriously.

And then I don't have to do ANYTHING. I'm done with them. Never have to room with them again. I thought I might be making the wrong move rooming with someone mature and clean like me. I'm probably making the best move of my life.

AND HE SPILLED BEER. ALL OVER THE RUG. THAT I BROUGHT TO THE ROOM. WHICH IS STAINED WITH BEER FROM ANOTHER DAY.

seriously. seriously.

i'm angry.

It's such an interesting thing...

The bitter hate of betrayal. The harsh sting of disappointment. The pin-pick of annoyance. The throb of envy.

Anger is pain. It's the things that hurt us the most that piss us off beyond all coherent thought.

Pain sucks...anger---the rage that builds from whatever hurts us---I think it might be what keeps us going. It's what keeps us from crying all the time. Instead of a constant sadness there's a constant anger that's easier to suppress.

About two-ish years ago I transfered schools. It was probably the best thing I ever did. I noticed that when I am at school I'm a lot happier. I used to be so angry all the time. I was tense, I hated everyone and everything, and I got pissed at the drop of a hat. When I was at school i didn't feel that. i wasn't angry. I thought I felt that way because of the atmosphere at my old school. Now, I realize that those feelings came from my home life, rather than my school. All of the old feelings that had went away when i was at school are back. I am angry all the time. I thought that I was done with that part of myself, but I guess it won't go away until the cause for it goes away. I can't wait to go back to school, at least while I'm there i can temporarily relieve myself of this anger.

I'm really pissed off right now, and that makes me even more pissed because I shouldn't let it get to me.