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It occurs to me that the initial defining moment of my life, my mother deciding to leave my father with me in tow when I was less than a month old was the best possible outcome. She and my father had a disagreement on parenting. She felt he wanted to neglect me, he felt she was overcoddling and threatening my eventual independence.
In my mother’s shoes, I would leave as well. She knew my father. I finally got him into therapy when I was 24. It took a decade of me living in addict hell to help him think he might be wrong, ever. He hadn’t had that experience. She knew he wouldn’t go to therapy. Doubtless she asked as she had been and benefited.
If they’d stayed together, we would have all been miserable. It’s unfortunate my mom demonized him because she couldn’t handle the nuance, but it kept her going as a single working poor mom for a long time. It’s unfortunate my dad’s genuine heartbreak influenced my opinion of both of them, but he did his damndest to hide it.
The pure absolute miserable hell that I suffered through, threw so much away out of fear and lack of ability to handle was the best option. No one is to blame. Pain with no blame has a certain lonesomeness, an echoing soft rattle.
An artist's wound is a topic/theme that an artist keeps returning to because it's some sort of psychological scar they bear - a question about their past and present that haunts the artist but provides no answers.
That's why an artist might often write/draw/paint/sculpt the same themes over and over - they're trying to find an answer, either through the self exploration needed to create the piece, or just in the hopes that some one else can see the pain in their works and 'get it' - that maybe one person out there in the audience understands, and can tell them what they need to do to cure their demons.
I love this person more than anyone else in the world, and know that she loves me - but know that nothing good will ever come from this, that we will never be together. I've tried to put her out of my mind, to do what she says and find someone else. So far nobody has had the same kind of magic she has. Not even close.