Valentine

The one girlfriend I ever had... we broke up the day before Valentine's Day last year. So, it's basically the anniversary of that happening. As such, I've been dreading this day for a while.

I learned a while ago she was already seeing someone else. And in our last conversation maybe a week ago, she dealt the final blow-- she said she doesn't love me anymore.

Coming from the ONLY person I think ever loved me... well, now it's gone.

So... no. I won't be having a happy valentine's day. And I think I think my reasons for being bitter and depressed today are valid enough. :P

... This is actually my third year having a valentine, which boggles my mind.

The first year, well, that guy didn't realize I thought we were in a relationship. I gave him a spiderman valentine, and he looked at me funny. I think we probably ended up making out on his bed. He always had slimy lips.

The second year... I don't remember what we did. Maybe we went out. I don't know. I do remember one month later for "Steak and BJ day." On a chat with him and his friends, I walked away for a bit, and when I came back, they were heckling him about whether or not I would do the deed. They were rather embarrassed when I chimed into the conversation.

Third year... this year... hasn't happened yet. But I'm already excited. The "Masquerade Ball" is on valentines, and I have a date! I will finally get to awkwardly slow dance again. I think I'll get him something chocolate. But the day after... that will be a day of celebration for all of my friends. We're hitting the sales and celebrating "Markintine's day" because we like to butcher the holidays to fit his name, just for a reason to hang out together. It will be glorious.

I am ridiculously giddy about this.

This year for Valentine's Day I passed out little chocolate covered fortune cookies to my closest friends. I was about to leave when one of my friends came up to me. We started talking and i realized what a wonderful person he is. I had always known that but today it was just really evident. His aura seeps kindness, and caring. So I ran upstairs and grabbed a fortune cookie so i could give it to him. After I had given it to him, I told him how wonderful he is. I told him about how he had gotten me through so many hard times in my life, especially recently. I told him about how thankful I was to have him as a friend. After that we hugged about 10 times, and i messed up his hai, and then I had to leave.

I'm so glad there are people like him in the world. They make it a much better place to be. Him and i aren't really close, but i know that I can always talk to him. He'll always be there.

Friends like these make everything worth it.

This was my first year having a valentine. I felt nice.

I don't think he really likes valentine's day, or at least what its become (a nice little Hallmark day) But I sat down and made him a card anyway, the old fashion way, colored construction paper, markers, and glue. I wrote a nice little note inside of it... But I don't think I'll ever give it to him...

This year, I decided to go back to my elementary school days and give my friends valentines. As I wrote names on all of them, I realized that I had more valentines than I had good friends, and I wondered, would it be so wrong to write on the back of one of my wonderfully commercial pixie stick valentines, "I couldn't find a card that said 'douchebag'".

Valentine's Day was coming up. I had only been dating this girl, my second girlfriend, for about a month, so I was still learning much about her. I brought up how disgustingly commercial Valentine's Day is, and how what could be a beautiful holiday has been perverted into a day of shameless capitalist prostitution. She said she agreed. And that she expected me to buy her a bunch of stuff anyway. I asked if she was joking. She wasn't. The girl was kind of spoiled. And materialistic. And was so fucking obsessed with her appearance as to come off as shallow. I don't know how shallow she really was, though. Since she broke up with me immediately after Valentine's Day (saying that I was just "convenient" for her for a brief time, and that she had actually been interested in dating a friend of mine instead of me), I didn't get much of a chance to discover what kind of a person she was. Just a chance to be her convenient date, to buy her what she wanted, and to let her move on to the next guy after she took what she wanted from me. Valentine's Day. It, and her, may be the only things in my life I can regret. Despite all the other girls that I made sacrifices for, and who treated me worse, she's the only one that I can truly look back on and call a complete and utter waste of my time. Not to say I haven't had wonderful, fulfilling relationships. It's just that the ones that sucked... sucked.

I met a girl at my previous school in a poetry class. At the start of every class I take, I pick out the girls I find most attractive - I refer to these as my 'eye candy', giving me something to look at when I grow tired of the lectures. This girl happened to be my eye candy for that class - I eventually dropped said class knowing i'd have to take a poetry class anyway for my study abroad trip next term - and after that trip, I transfered out of that school entirely.

I returned for a visit eventually, however, and ended up meeting her again, through some friends. She turned out to be just as awesome a person as she was attractive - and not only did I fall for her, but she for me apparently. We had an oddly intimate moment in saying goodbye when I had to return to my school.

When I got back, she messaged me online, asking if I would come up and see Nine Inch Nails in concert with her, the concert being on valentine's day.

It was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever asked me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't afford to miss classes, so couldn't take her up on her offer.

She started dating someone two weeks later.

today we have love repeatedly stapled to our foreheads, resulting polka dots of red mock and tease our rational minds; and the lonely fein hate as the predominant emotion

it isn't fair, the scream; and vainly try to remember what the ignorant have learned. all the while greedy tease with undulating shades of red, sugary substitutes to fill the empty

i fall prey to their depredations, expectations, as i yearn for someone to hold and understand with me