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Why are people such douche bags?
When I tell you I want something sweet, don't say to me, "Why don't you have something healthier, like an apple?"
Do you honestly think I won't understand what you're implying?
Or worse, do you think that I will understand what you're implying and not be offended?
A few years ago, it was the middle of the summer and it was finally getting dark. I felt the rumble of my stomach, and said out loud, "I haven't had anything to eat today but an apple."
And my dad's response was, "You should do that more often."
It's a bad day when your father tries to promote anorexia to you.
I was dating a boy a few years ago and he showed up two hours late for our date because his job interview ran over WAY long. The only reason why I was still there was because it was a nice day and I had a book to read. So I sat there, outside of the theatre waiting for him to show up for dinner and a movie night that week. When he showed up he walked up apologizing and bent over and kissed me on the forehead and told me :
"I have something that will make you forgive me." He gave me his famous smile as he produced an apple from his pocket.
I jumped up and grabbed it out of his hands and had the biggest smile on my face, it was as though he'd proposed to me. "Are you serious? Do you know...I mean....****!!!!!" I started trying to form sentences and then he hugged me and shushed me.
"I know what it means, and let me just say, a very wise man told me what to do and I'm kind of shocked it worked...." He kissed me and we went into the movie.
In case you're wondering why I sound like a crazy person, it's because in the middle ages giving someone an apple meant that you liked them and would like to court them. It was a clandestine way of displaying affection for someone. Enamored as I was with the boy I was just happy as a clam. Since then, the "wise man" has revealed himself as my very dear friend and the boy and I are now just good friends rather than an "item." But, the apple was still very cute.
That’s cute my brother when he was in middle school and I was in high school he’s three years younger than I am I was a freshmen and he was in sixth grade. I had just formally introduced my boyfriend to my family and one day while I was getting things ready for his visit he handed me a box. It was a plain brown box that looked big but felt empty. I looked at him and his expression changed.
“Josh why are you giving me an empty box?” I asked and he frowned looking down at it struggling with something. I bent down forcing him to look at me and smiled. I wasn’t use to happy go lucky Josh looking so somber and angry. “Throw out your own trash I’m having company I need to get ready.” I said and he glared at me.
“Just open it.” He said and I did. After pulling out about half a ton of baby blue tissue paper I pulled out a candle. This wasn’t just a candle it was in a spiral brass holder. With a little brass handle that curled into an intricate design with another little brass handle the size of my finger that traveled up and down the spiral. I looked up at him (even then he was taller than I was) and he grabbed the candle from me.
“See when two people would start to court each other 'back in the day' the girl’s oldest brother or father depending on which she had would give her a candle. Each time she went out to see the boy or spend time with him the candle would be wound up a little once the candle burnt to that point the girl would have to come home. If they managed to burn out the entire candle then he could consider purposing and the maybe eventually get married.” I laughed and he continued to glare.
“Sorry.” I mumbled taking the candle back. I didn’t really like that he was trying to interfere with one of the most important events of my life and I was a bit impatient. But when I looked up at him I realized he was really struggle with his words really trying hard to get it all out the right way.
“Since dads not around and mom could careless I want you to know that you have me.” I nearly laughed again. He was a bit taller than me and at the time chubby and so harmless looking he was still so young even younger in my newly aged freshmen head. “That if you know…” He stammered around for words and I laughed again. “If you don’t want it I can take it back and give it to Beth!” He said angrily and I twisted out of the way as he tried to grab it back.
“Thanks.” I said and he nodded turning and walking away as fast as he could without running. It’s all those little things that make everything else worthwhile. My brother and I rarely talk like that anymore both of us really real adults too busy to reminisce about things like that but whether or not he remembers I’ll never forget that. The day my little brother became a man.
Another fun weird fact about middle ages courting and apples.... they also were fond back then of making what were known as "love apples", which were created like this: they'd skin an apple, and then you'd give it to your partner, who would keep it in their armpit for very long periods of time (months I think?). Their sweat would get soaked into the apple like a sponge. That way, once given back, their partner could keep with them an item that always contained their lover's smell.