Horny

I am so horny if my phone vibrates I might get off. I feel like an attractive young woman like myself should not have to suffer being this wound up. The thought of a well endowed man is almost too much to handle right now.

Apparently everyone's horny. I guess that's not news. This isn't the first time I've been a walking zombie, moaning "seeeeeeex" instead of "braaaaaains," but god damn, it's lasting a long time this instance. I wake up wanting to fuck, waves of pleasurable desire rolling through me before I open my eyes. When left to my own devices, I find myself upstairs, my pants thrown on the couch, flicking the bean and simulating the feel of a cock inside of me with my kegal muscles. When the sun goes down, I try so much to think of something else, to not drag him upstairs. It works, but it's torture.

My brain does this thing when I'm in an extremely boring situation like a math class, or doing mindless computer work, or listening to some incredibly dull speech. It's like my brain is suffocating without stimulation and desperately wants to escape. So I involuntarily get very, very horny.

Seriously. Math classes were hell for me. In nearly every single one, I had to deal with a raging erection by halfway through. And it's not because I'm deliberately thinking about sex, it's a subconscious defense mechanism. If I thought about sex at all, it would only as a side-effect of my dick being haunted by the ghost of boredom. But when I did, and when I could get away with truly paying no attention to what was going on around me, my mind would indulge fully in the memory of all of my favorite fucks. There's maybe a dozen that I would love to revisit, and I try not to lament the fact that I'll likely never be able to. Her first time, that one spree with the two of them, the group thing that one time, in her backseat, on stage, that one summer when we were really hot and sweaty and releasing months of pent-up sexual fury... It's a vicious cycle. I end up going deeper and deeper into fantasy while still trying to partition a small part of my brain to keep paying attention to the outside world.

So I'm doing this thing for work right now, it's boring as hell, and I absolutely cannot get the thought out of my head that I want you to come rescue me from this tedium. If you were within reach, my sexual tension would immediately be unleashed in a sonic boom that would leave windows shattered, cervices bruised, and witnesses traumatized.

Why do I have to hit my horny days right as crunch time gets serious AND I get ill?! What the fuck kind of timing do you call this, ovaries? :(

I'd be resorting to cybersex right now if I had anybody sane to do so with, but my favourite spot's inaccessible today. God damn it :/

I am so horny right now.

Horniness is one of those things that I can turn on and off. This always disturbs the people I date, and I guess that's a normal reaction. It is weird. I mean, I enjoy sexual activities in and of themselves, but I've always thought of myself as pretty asexual. I've never found someone attractive that I wasn't dating. When I think about having sex with men and when I think about having sex with women, the mental response is the same. A resounding mental "Whatever". Because I really don't give a shit. When I was a kid, I learned that masturbation was a possibility by reading a book. It wasn't until years later that I realized you were supposed to fantasize while you were doing it. I still get the strangest, most artistic mental images from masturbating. The color orange becomes the ocean becomes a castle becomes a bunch of bats. It makes no sense.

So whenever I see my boyfriend, and I notice that my roommate will be out for a while, or I notice that he looks horny, I become incredibly horny. Because I decide to be. Because that makes sex much more fun. When sex would be inconvenient, I'm just playful.

I guess it's kind of nice that I can do that. Thinking about sex never spoils my work. I'll never ruin a relationship by "headaches". But sometimes I'm really wondering what I'm missing.

I take medication. It lowers my sex drive. I'm glad. I used to be horny 24/7. Now I'm horny about as much as a normal person.