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Hopefully taking this screenwriting course will help me kick it. I no longer have the option of giving up to go watch TV or sleep; I need to produce something. And I can always edit, which is generally easier than writing first drafts.
But still. Writing has always been one of my main hobbies. When I go to long without producing something other than academic papers and whiny LiveJournal entries, I feel like I've lost touch with myself. So the fact that I haven't been able to do what I feel like, to be me, I'm supposed to be doing, is causing serious existential doubt and isn't helping the depressive episodes I've been constantly and with various success fighting off since the end of the summer.
I can't tell good stories when I'm depressive. I don't want to hear my own depressive stories and I don't feel like anybody else would want to, but it gets too hard to think of anything besides what's going on with me. So I go watch movies, because I can't make my own escapes anymore. And not being able to come up with my own stories doesn't make me feel any better about myself, leading to... prolonged depression.
Also, there are boy issues taking up a lot of my brainspace, and I'm allergic to writing romance. I have never once finished a piece in which I had attempted to work in a romance, because working on them just stops being interesting and turns into an exercise in how much I can bore myself before I absolutely have to do something else. Also, I'm not comfortable writing about sex, largely because I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, so we're quite strictly limited to writing for children, apparently.
Basically, my brain is full of things I'd rather cut my hands off than try to make a story out of. Hopefully creativity will go up with the light levels as the semester progresses and I'll be able to make improvements on whatever I end up churning out now, but it's both dishonest and does me absolutely no good to blame this entirely on seratonin deficiency.
I hate it. Normally writing is one of the easiest things for me to do. Ok so my punctuation and spelling suck, but gosh darn it thats why computers were invented. In any case if you give me a creative prodject normally I can whip up stories out of nowhere. But I am really struggeling with this assignment. Last year I took a screen writing class, not because I wanted to but in the back of my mind a story had been brewing and was begging to be let out. It was relatively easy I could see the whole story and although I hit a few roadbumps I had no real problems writing or motivating myself to write.
This year I decided to take a sitcom writing class with the same teacher, thinking that again it would be easy. It's not, I am having a terrible time motivating myself to write and when I actually sit down to do it I have a terrible time getting anything half way decent to come out.
And tomorow at 6 come hell or high water I need to have complete sitcom episode. Maybe I'm having this dificulty because in the class we are not allowed to do anything totally origional. We have to write a new script for a pre-existing sitcom . I don't have tv, or more specifically I don't have cable. The only shows I watch are shows that I buy and or download online, so basically aside from the occasional reality show watched with friends I only watch Heroes, and It's Always sunny in Philadelphia. It's Always sunny is the only show that I watch remotely resembling a sitcom, and it is in my oppinion the funniest show ever. But I am having a really hard time trying to capture the humor of the show. It's not a typical sitcom, not by a longshot.
I discussed this writers block in class, my teachers only suggestion ... eat lots of sugar. Yep, just what my fat ass needs more sugar. I talked with my mother who is not a writer (at least not in the creative sense) and she said if nothing else I have learned an important lesson, that I'm not cut out for comedy writing. Ugh Once I finish formating I expect to have about 18 pages written, I need 30 by tomorow and unlike regular papers I can't just bs a few scenes this needs to be a coherent story that is completly wrapped up by page 30.