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So fucking much for self control. Now an old problem returns. I value my convictions, morals and beliefs above anything. Sometimes they're all I have. But one of my convictions, one of the inherent qualities that I KNOW goes all the way to the core, is that those I love come first. Which means their morals come first. So what the fuck. I have enough love for both of you. One of you understands. One of you so eloquently put your feelings as "I guess I'm just a selfish enough bastard to need all of you. To want to possess you. I'm too jealous. I need to know I'm your world." I still don't see the conflict. I understand how you feel, but not how you're thinking. And I wish you'd quit defending your stance, which you have every right to. I'm not asking you to do something you don't want you to. I'm asking you to help me through this situation that has been created by my overtendancy to love, and your stance, which is based of what has happened to you in the past. I refuse to pick right now. I can't. I shouldn't have to. I can't believe that between me and the hippie, I'm the one with my opinion, and he's the one with his. I thought it would be the other way around. How do you tell someone, "No offense, but not one person in my life gets all of me? There is no number one. You can't quantify that shit. Different people are in my heart for different reasons." ARGH. And through all of this, I have the memory of the heat of your body lingering in mine. I treasure the bruises you left on me, the teeth marks in my neck that would have ruined my life had I not stolen a lot of stage makeup from when I was in drama in high school. I covet the sounds you make, the way I'm so tiny compared to you, and you move me around like nothing's happening. I miss you so thoroughly and intensely, I started crying before I was a quarter mile from where I dropped you off. Did I mention argh?