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I sat for a while and thought, what to do? I tried to put it in words All I could write was full of hate and spite Most of it felt untrue Then I thought...at least I did something I could have done nothing, and waited But then I still would have done something I would have procrastinated. But procrastination is inaction, At least that is how it's defined Is it a state of being? Or is it all in the mind?
You will always be able to tell when I'm procrastinating when there is a sudden influx of introspections and comments from me. It's how I am.
I'd much rather sit thinking, than trying to put organized thoughts on a page. Which doesn't make sense because I'm putting organized thoughts on a page right now. Anyway. I'd rather do free writing than structured writing anytime.
I am a goddess of procrastination, well ok I just have a problem sitting down and doing my work. Specifically my German work. To be quite frank I have no interest in the language, it would be far more beneficial to learn something like Spanish. In any case I have come to the realization that I am just bad at learning how to speak languages, I blame this on the American public education system.
I have gone to public school my entire life and the only area where I feel truly slighted is in language. I live in a very white area, so I never even had an opportunity to hear another language spoken till high school, and in high school my honors English teacher forced me into taking Latin. Latin is interesting but you never speak it and it is not learned as a conversational language, it is learned as a dead language and as a way to translate texts. I don't know how to say "how are you" in Latin, however I did at one point learn (this was an actual translation for class I swear) how to say "the little boys cried as the soldiers slaughtered the horses." The greatest potential you have for learning language is when your young, certainly it is possible to learn when you are older but it is harder. And I have to say two semesters of something will not make you in any way proficient.
But there is one thing that I do not procrastinate in, film. I took basic video production last year and found out that I was passionate about it. I love movies and sought a degree in film, but in an academic context and not a production one. I found that while I put off everything else to the last minute, I was always happy to go to the editing lab. I spent 10 hours editing a music video that was less then 5 minutes in length. That is love right there.
So a little before I took that class I got an idea. I was sitting in class waiting for a professor who was routinely 15-20 minutes late. As I am compulsively 15 minutes early for everything, I took to taking my iPod so I would not die from boredom waiting for him to show up. As usual I had the Ipod on random play and suddenly a song came on, it was "Demolition Lovers" by My Chemical Romance.
Of all the cool obscure music I listen to, it had to be by far the most mainstream band I have in my collection that inspires me. No it couldn't have been Os Mutantes, Portishead, Apocalyptica, KidneyThieves, or even something like Oleander...nope it was my big huge honking Mainstream band which acted as a muse.
As the song started playing I saw these images sort of flash behind my eyes in perfect time with the music. They would not leave me alone. I began to make a story so that the pieces would fit together. I did not want to write this, at all. But it wanted to be written, so I put it on paper so that it would get out of my head. At my school you can make a film as your senior thesis and soon I was on my way to doing that. I cast the parts with a bunch of my friends and shot the overwhelming majority last summer.
Tonight I wasn't really procrastinating I spend an hour taking still shots from the film, editing them, printing them, and them arranging them for actual filming. It was so simple, I didn't like the way the pictures looked under the harsh light of my room so I lit about 10 candles around it (creating a giant fire hazard and what appeared to be a shrine to my good friend) and turned off the lights to get a better effect. It's so simple and I'm sure a million directors have done it before, but it kind of felt like I reinvented the wheel tonight.
As I was leaving the convenience store, I overheard a rednecky guy loudly say to his friend, who was in line, "You know, procrastination's like masturbation. Sure, it feels good at the time, but sooner or later you realize you're screwing yourself."
so we went into the living room, and saw the piano sitting in the corner.