Attraction

It seems to me that I have absolutely no control over who I'm attracted to. I have a type, I guess, a pattern of characteristics that keep popping up in the men and women I fall for. No one ever tells you, when you're a child, preadolescent, and adolescent, that you don't always fall in love with people who are healthy, or good for you. You might fall in love unexpectedly, at the age of seventeen, with a boy of your age but not your intelligence or social development. Still, he'll be funny, and loving, and very very attractive, physically. You'll ride it out and you'll get hurt and you'll know you'd do it again in a heartbeat, just to be that happy, briefly. Or you'll fall for a silly little slip of a girl, shorter than you, who doesn't want to talk about art, TV, movies, literature, anything. Instead, as you're lying in bed with her, spooning her, one arm thrown over her torso, your hand cupping her breast, she says. "Let's talk about zombies instead! Tell me a zombie story." And caught up in her enthusiasm, happier than you've ever been, you piece together a zombie story. You'll fall for seriously disturbed people, you'll fall for people so well adjusted, it turns out you're the disturbed one. They'll have classic beauty, and be "eh" or even "Ugh" as far as looks go, but to you, they'll be the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

The only law of human attraction is that charismatic assholes are about as easy to forget about as your own name.

At least I'm not the only one hopelessly smitten with this guy, but going 'aaaa I wish I could just forget about him' with my girlfriend is not so much of a comfort when she's been there, done that and still gets the IMs.

I just want to fuck him, why does it have to be so complicated! Stupid girl-brain!

What the hell, why won't he get out of my head? We haven't spoken in months, I've never even met the guy in person but still he keeps popping up every so often and I can't help myself, I can't block it out. I'm still attracted to him, and it's so stupid.

Argh. This isn't helping, either.

I have no control over who I'm attracted too. I haven't even worked out all the mechanics yet.

I am so attracted to a friend of mine right now, and it scares me because he's not my boyfriend. I know I would never cheat on him, but I can't stop myself from being attracted to this other guy. I feel terrible for it, but it's there. I doubt it will go away anytime soon. In a different circumstance I know I would be flirting with him like crazy. I do still flirt with him but not as much as I normally would. I just wish I could tell him, but I know that i can't and I won't unless something happens with my boyfriend. I'm really hoping that doesn't happen because I love the realtionship I'm in right now. I have something so wonderful and if I persue this I'll be throwing it away. I can't do that. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I guess I'll just deal with my feelings for him, and hope that neither of them figure anything out.

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Poor darling, I feel your frustration. I'm not in that position now, but I have been a few times before. There's no cure for it. One boy (Man? What are we at eighteen, nineteen, twenty? I know I wasn't an adult then) I lusted after for a good year and a half, never touched him, didn't tell him til I was done with my boyfriend (He looked uncomfortable when I told him, so I said something like "I'm going to run away now, like this" and fled) Point: Unless you can think of some way to end it, which is possible but unique to all situations, you've got to wait it out. I hope it's not too intense.

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I rate people's attractiveness on a bizzare scale system i've invented. There's several catagories, and... well, specific numbers aren't given out, per se, but just a general place on the scale of each - used for comparison purposes between people.

The areas are Hotness, Sexiness, Physical Cuteness, Behaviorial Cuteness, Beauty, Grace, and Classiness.

They are largely split between Physical Appearance catagories and Behaviorial catagories.

Hotness is the quality of having a physical appearance you sexually lust after.

Sexiness is the ability to make people sexually lust after you through other means - how you move, talk , think, and what you say. This can be a concious knoweldge or an unconcious ability.

Physical Cuteness is a physical appearance that just makes you go "aww!!"

Similarly, Behaviorial cuteness is the behavior based side - their ability to do or say adorable things.

Beauty is the hard to define one - just something about their physical appearance that strikes a non sexual, non adorable chord of "wow" - like a work of art.

Grace is basically just an easier term for "Beauty Behaviorial" - again, the behaviorial (movement, poetics, etc.) that stun you with an artistic asthetic quality. I suppose Grace isn't really a great word because you'd say someone has a beautiful mind rather than a graceful one, but whatever.

Finally, the oddball of the bunch, classiness. Classiness works differently than the others because a low score is in the middle, and as you approach either extremes it could be seen as more attactive. For example, I would say dorkiness is a lack of classiness - but I find dorkiness extremely attractive. Yet the alternative of extreme classiness is also admirable - though I do prefer the negative side of that scale, myself.

That one, like all of them, are not universal, but based on personal preference of the pesron using the scales.

The concept of attraction to me is really odd. I don't, honestly, know specific traits of people that pull me to them, makes me want to get to know them, makes me "hot and bothered" as some people put it. Physical characteristics don't "turn me on," to be honest, I don't care what you look like. I've dated/messed around with a great variety of gentlemen and ass holes ranging from tall, to not-so-tall, very thin, not thin at all, angled faces, round faces, pretty eyes, not so pretty eyes, etc. They don't judge me on my lacking appearance, and I embrace them for who they are, not what they are. This is what works for me though, not everyone may think this way. I have, however, noticed that whenever I date someone who maybe isn't as intelligent as I am it doesn't work out well for either of us, and it leaves me with a cold, bitter feeling. I prefer to date someoen who is much more intelligent than myself, yes, intelligent, not necessarily well learned. (There is a great difference between being a Ph.D. and still not being too terribly bright and being a plummer who naturally understands all that there is to know about Mathematics and Engineering, but deciding to go about this live style all the same. )

Also, there's the emotional aspact of an attraction to someone. The point at which I feel attracted is the point at which intrigue begins on a new level. Suddenly you've captured my attention, some corner of your soul has brushed against mine, and the colors, more vibrant before me, have painted a picture of who you are in that instant. The things that no one ever knows about people I tend to find out, so histories don't bother me, those dark little secrets that you hold and pollute yourself with mean little to me, it's the over all feel of the person, I think. The way that their energies interact with mine. It's a mixture, a hit or miss, some people got it, some people don't. Luckily, without further stimulation, my attraction to people will fade, often it doesn't take long. But some people I'll go out with once, and only occassionally see them after that, but the initial connection remains and I hold no ill feelings about my decisions with them there after.

I've realized something about the people that I'm drawn to and the people that I'm indifferent to. It's not who you are that turns me on. It's who you're becoming. I go to great lengths to connect with people, near and far, that I see engaged in active exploration of themselves, growth, evolution, maturation, discovery. Even if they have a host of unattractive characteristics (who doesn't?), I'll cling to them to be an intimate witness to the transformation that they're going through in their lives. And this even applies to people that are falling apart. I'm not sure why this matters so much to me. I become close friends with people that my other friends strongly dislike, just to study how they're living their lives. As long as you're not a malicious person, I can disregard almost any other character flaw if you're just engaged in some sort of intriguing growth, or period of self-discovery. I think I'd let you punch me in the face if you were just really artistic about it.