Theft

I almost got fired because some dumb fucks keep stealing shit in the store I work in. it's always my shift because I work nights, and the only reason I didn't get fired for it was because I caught them at it the other night.

a bunch of students my age stealing bread and booze nearly got me fucking fired. and they had the nerve to say it doesn't hurt anybody but the bosses. who the fuck do they think the bosses hand the hurt down to?

I was so goddamn angry because it was just so stupid. middle-class college students don't need to steal, and they certainly don't need to steal fucking alcohol of all things.

so to anyone who thinks stealing from big stores is okay because it doesn't hurt anyone: fuck you and your sense of entitlement. I have a minimum-wage job and I need it to pay for my food, my rent, my bills. if you so desperately need your booze, get a fucking job yourself.

Great thought, rusty red square dude! I'll add to it. I refer to winter as Wal-Mart harvest season. Once it's cold enough outside to not draw too much attention to my modified trenchcoat (ridiculous stretchy spandex pockets along the inside that blend in with the rest of the fabric), I don it and decimate every Wal-Mart I come across. Summer makes it harder for me to lift because you look more suspicious with each unseasonal layer of clothing you're wearing. Having a cell phone is hugely advantageous, but a friend walking along with you is a better substitute. It justifies you staying in one spot for an unusual amount of time (e.g. you're carrying on a conversation with your friend while carving out security tags under your coat with a pocket knife), as well as walking between the same two aisles over and over again, or any other kind of behavior that might catch someone's attention. Some skill with sleight-of-hand goes a long way too. A bit of dexterity can make the motion of putting an awkwardly shaped object into a hidden pocket fluid and unnoticeable. Misdirection, too. Lean up/over to reach an item that's barely out of reach with one hand while slipping something close to your chest into an inside jacket pocket. I also strongly support the general anarchist code of ethics when it comes to shoplifting, which absolutely forbids stealing from locally-owned businesses, socially conscious businesses, and never ever individual people. I suppose the main idea is that if any person will be adversely affected to a nontrivial degree by your shoplifting, then don't do it. You can always shoplift from destructive international businesses as a form of protest instead of recklessly from struggling businesses. And hey, as much as most people wouldn't like to really consider this, larceny is a survival skill that anyone might need to employ some day. Regardless of how much money and supportive friends you have, life can change in an instant. I have a comfortable income and rarely even dumpster-dive anymore, but I've still been caught in a bind now and then where I'm broke for a few days and without food (it's hard to keep a standing supply of food anywhere when you're homeless), or suddenly in a foreign state or country without contacts or enough money to buy anything to eat. A few years ago, I spent a few months stealing more than I have at any other time in my life, mostly stealing from Wal-Mart to help support an underground community center and communal house. I stole food and vitamins for roommates and supplies for the house, for the most part. I very rarely lift luxury items, and even then it's usually a stack of DVDs requested by friends. Moral of this story: If Wal-Marts weren't staffed 24 hours a day, they would be firebombed to the ground. But they are, and it wouldn't be worth risking injury and death to the people inside. So the best that we can do is shoplift to acquire our necessities, lower their income very very slightly, and practice useful skills all at the same time. It's kind of like if you spanked a misbehaving toddler and money shot out of its ass.

i love to steal. not from friends; from faceless companies and corrupt businessmen. i steal for a lot of reasons; primarily because i like stuff, sometimes, and sometimes i don't have the cash for said stuff. i steal because i'm hungry, i steal because i'm bored, i steal because i see something that i know a friend might like. i've stolen money from work (in the thousands of dollars), booze for friends' birthdays, and medicine when i've been sick. over the first three or four months of 2007, if i hadn't become an expert at stealing food from Jewel and Walgreens, i'd have starved. sometimes it's looking like i'm back to that point now. one of the greatest benefits to my thieving is that, when i go into someplace to steal, i look like an average working white guy. i dress in clothes that help with stealing (pants with large pockets, large jackets, etc) while painting me as someone maybe a little classier and dignified than i really am. i like to be clean shaven if possible as well, and clean hair always helps. appearance also refers to your actions; if you're constantly looking over your shoulder or are clearly doing something inside your jacket while facing a corner, that looks suspicious. try to pocket things while walking, ideally towards nobody. sometimes you won't be able to find an empty aisle to do your work in; realize, though, that (especially in a grocery store) people are paying WAY more attention to the shelves than they are to someone walking down the aisle. when entering a place you want to rob, find the cameras first. usually they'll be in the big black spheres or half-spheres dangling from the ceiling, blackened out to prevent you from knowing which way they're pointed. some places (Walgreens) will actually have signs hanging next to them that say "Security Camera". there should always be blind spots, either beneath the cameras or in aisles that lack them. grab what you want from a watched aisle, carry it to a clean one, pocket. sometimes, if you're really fast, the cameras won't even matter - just grab what you need and get out, but not so fast as to attract attention. the biggest personal obstacle to stealing is figuring out how to take the thing in your hand and get it past the door, which may have a guard or sensors. either can be defeated. pockets are a huge aid in this, but you have to stay conscious of large things in pockets making strange unexplained bulges in your pants/coat. i find that the bigger, boxier items find their best homes in pants pockets which can, in turn, be somewhat disguised by pulling a long coat around them. for smaller things, consider sleeves. wearing a tight-fitting long-sleeved shirt under a somewhat looser-fitting coat provides you with all the space in your sleeve as well, perfect for pens, lighters, energy bars, etc. just make sure the cuff (where the sleeve meets the wrist) is tight enough to prevent things from falling out! larger thefts start requiring some creativity. an easy work-around to stealing larger things is to simply bring a bag of some kind. backpacks can be a little awkward to slip things into casually; messenger bags, however, work exceptionally and offer added camo for anything in the pockets it's hanging in front of. however, this can backfire; some places with guards will search your bag as you leave (though usually it's cursory; having an extra shirt or three to put on top of your acquisition can do the trick), and some places won't even let you in with a bag. so it's time to get more creative. i'll give one great example - booze stealing. get yourself a big coat with big sleeves, ideally a coat thick enough where it'll maintain some sort of shape with something heavy weighing it down on one side. find yourself a bottle of alcohol that's tall and THIN - wine usually works perfect. slide the neck of the bottle as far up your sleeve as you can, grasp the bottom of the bottle with that hand, and stick your hand into your pocket. with smaller things, you could let go, let it slide in, and go back to walking around normally, but of course you'd be walking around with a bottleneck sticking out of your pocket - and that CAN'T happen. so leave your hand there! one of the most suspicious looking things is to walk into a store and walk back out without buying anything. there's a few ways around this, though. first and simplest - buy something! if i'm on a big run at a grocery store ($50+ stolen goods) i make it a point to stop and buy something cheap before i leave. that gives you a bag, a receipt, and makes you look just like everyone else. another option is to have a cell phone, open it, and sound panicked/shocked as you leave to ostensibly take care of some world-shattering event. or you could just leave, which i do sometimes. try not to just come and go at the same place too many times, though; you're a lot safer if you mix it up, go to different stores, and don't let anyone start recognizing you. ALWAYS have a story ready regardless - "I forgot my money," "I was looking for dinner ideas," etc. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL IN PUBLIC - ACT FUCKING CASUAL. chat with the cashier, ask for help from stock clerks, laugh off accidental sensor alarms. keep a steady pace, be focused, and keep your eyes open. know what's going on around you, know how you appear to the people nearby, and know when to say, "that's enough right now." be careful, but have fun.

Someone stole my identity. They got a hold of my social security number rearranged the letters in my name made a new one and I am so fucked.

I hate being a stupid number I pray for a EMP bomb of which I probably shouldn’t say out loud god knows all I need is the government trailing my ass for being a possible terrorist but wipe out national credit debt give us all a fresh start and give us our names back take away the number. Its beginning to remind me of another time in history.

Sorry I'm just in a really, really bad mood.